Regular readers may remember that for some time I and daughter in law have been trying to arrange a large family gathering to celebrate a fortieth birthday.
Well, all was going well. After days and days and days of research and planning I had a short list of people who I understood were committed to attending: We had found an Elizabethan Manor House which had secret doors and passages, a World War II bunker in the basement, miniature house under the stairs, giant chess sets with thrones to sit on, games room, music room, hundreds of TV channels, five reception rooms, four poster beds in each bedroom, a library, suits of armour, huge grounds etc. etc.
Video clip of the house:
I had organised a Murder Mystery evening for the first night, a ceilidh and party for the second night, and a treasure hunt for the last day. It worked out at $77 a night per person which is not cheap I know, but neither is it expensive for that kind of experience. We also had a cheaper package of $77 per person for the whole weekend for those happy to sleep in sleeping bags rather than a four poster bed!! Several of the younger members opted for that of course.
The Manor house was near Stonehenge, Cheddar Gorge and its officially paid resident witch, and Longleat Safari Park, so many outdoor experiences were available as well as those in the house and grounds.
(Cheddar Gorge from the air.)
Some people did not fancy all staying together in a group for three days but said they would drive down to the actual party. I was sorry but of course that was fine, and I appreciated them being clear with me from the beginning. I kept everyone else up to date with progress and then booked and paid the deposit. And while I was away last week, only three days after I had booked, people began dropping out. In the end four people said they were not coming who had earlier indicated they would, and rumour had it that two others would like to drop out if they felt they could, which made the event financially impossible since I could not cover the hire of the house without their contributions. So we have had to cancel the weekend, and I have lost my deposit.
You may imagine how I am feeling.
Doubtless everyone had a good reason for cancelling: times are hard. And it was probably my fault somehow, perhaps my communication skills are much worse than I thought, although I had tried hard to be clear with everyone. But I refuse to believe that something drastic happened in the few days between my confirming the booking and them cancelling. They must have known earlier that there might be a problem and perhaps they were not going to come, but had just not bothered to let me know. When I told them the booking was firm, they finally focussed their attention and took action. Not kind, fair or responsible.
The money I have lost means a great deal to me since we are counting every penny. I don’t believe that any of these people are less well off than we are. And I had wanted to help give everyone a really wonderful time when life is a bit bleak: I had worked extra hard on this for that reason too. So I am left feeling a fool – taken for granted, slighted and not worthy of thought, by people of whom I have always thought highly. Never again will I try to organise a fun event for family members.
Interestingly enough, when I had to let everyone know I had cancelled, the youngster who is the poorest in the family and who had not cancelled, e-mailed me when he had received his monthly pay cheque to offer to contribute to my lost deposit. He was most upset and he and his partner had been really looking forward to the event. Of course I refused to accept but I was very touched by his thoughtfulness.
Some others then followed suit but I was so angry with them that I refused their offers: I did not want them to salve their consciences, if they have any, by paying me.
I rarely get angry, once about every two to three years, but it stays with me for a while when I am finally roused to that pitch: I know it will dissipate eventually and if I find that there were seriously mitigating circumstances that I know naught of, then I will doubtless feel guilty for being so cross.
But for the moment, I am hurt and furious at the waste of time, effort and money for what seems like pure lack of consideration.
Thanks for letting me rant at you!!
PS I have just received an e-mail from one of the people involved asking what else is being organised!! Give me strength.
Oh no, that’s awful, and it sounded like a wonderful weekend too! Families can be such utter pains sometimes.
I don’t blame you one little bit for feeling angry – anyone would under these circumstances.
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Whoa! I am planning a family gathering this summer as well. The date has been set since last Christmas. I am now receiving notes from people saying that they won’t be able to be here due to their work schedules. I would think that they could have worked on getting time off with 8 months’ notice. But at least I don’t have money invested in this like you! I feel angry for you!
But, if you set it up, I will be there to see that place! It looks awesome. I was at Stonehenge, but didn’t know about that place; if I had, we would have tried to visit there. I think 77 dollars is quite reasonable. It would be considered a reasonable cost for just a plain old hotel with none of the special items included with your package.
Blast them all!!!
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I am so sorry if you are getting a similar response to my one. Perhaps people have no idea of the amount of work involved in organising a gathering. Good luck I hope it turns out well!
This was a house you can hire by the week or long weekend. No staff, but fully furnished etc. It seems to me that we should organise a bloggers’ ‘weekend’ one day, and have real fun!!
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I’m sorry that happened! That sounded like an awesome weekend! The price was great! I would have had a blast at a weekend getaway like that. 🙂
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Thank you for that! It could have been absolutely marvellous, but no good if people were not interested. Perhaps we should organise a bloggers’ weekend away?!
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I’m sorry to hear that – what a waste of time, effort and money.
I remember visiting Stonehenge as a kid – it was a very overcast and windy day, which seemed fitting.
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Overcast and windy: yes, that is soooo UK!!
Thanks for the sympathy.
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That sounded like a wonderful weekend you had planned. Wish I could have gone! The last thing I organized was my parents 50th anniversary. Everyone thought it was wonderful, my plan for the weekend, but when it came time to pay…and it was NOT expensive either, oh lord did the enthusiasm wane in one quick hurry! Jerks. No more organizing for me! You have my deepest sympathy, sorry it won’t do much for paying the deposit.
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Thank you so much for that. Although I am very sorry that your experience was similar to mine hearing about it made me feel a lot better, not like the biggest fool in the world.
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Oh, love, that is absolutely rotten. It sounds a wonderful plan, no wonder you are angry and hurt. I’d feel exactly the same.
I’m planning a family do at my house this Saturday, when nearly all my family will be able to come. I’d be absolutely devastated if they all backed out now and I think your feelings are totally justified.
I know words won’t help but – well, thinking of you!
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I think if money and more than one day had not been involved they would have come! But they could have said that from the beginning. I do hope yours goes well.
By the sounds of the wonderful food you are cooking I think your family will have a fabulous time. Good luck and enjoy. Thank you so much for your support.
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