French Diary Day 44:Quiet and cosy

Tuesday 7th December

Dry and grey first thing. It began snowing just before twelve o’clock but only lasted for a couple of hours and did not lie.

There is next to nothing in the fridge or pantry so a quick trip out to do some vital grocery shopping and then back to the sofa, the warmth and the computer.

I’m spending a lovely, cosy day chez mois: and am trying to catch up finally on my blogs.  I am quite tired after yesterday.

I’ve had several e-mails from the lady who sold me my chocolatiere.  She says there are some manufacturers’ marks on the bottom which may help me establish its age.   I have explained to her my mission to taste all the hot chocolate in Paris and what a lovely souvenir this will be for me to have from this trip!  I have to admit that I feel quite pleased with myself buying something on French ebay and then talking to the vendor in French.  Small beer to many people, but it makes me feel quite European.  Now, if only I could speak German, Spanish and Italian I might begin to feel I was getting somewhere.

We are trying to work out whether there is time for her to send it to me here in Paris thereby saving some postage, or whether it would be safer to send it straight to the UK.  Our final decision is to go for it so she is going to send it to me here, first thing tomorrow morning.  Fingers crossed at both ends!

Mid-afternoon I lit my candle

and had some of my Angelina’s mont blanc for a little pre-Christmas tea.

It came with its own napkin and matching spoon: not the most attractive looking cake I must admit but the marron was glorious!

A lovely, relaxed day while everyone else rushes round in pre-Christmas mode.  All I need now is an open fire, a cat on the knee, a dog at the feet, a parrot on the shoulder . . . . . . .

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Sorry for the silence

Its been a while folks, and not much to blog about yet. 

Sorry for this, but life has got on top of me and the juices have just dried up.

I’ve arranged for a valuer to come over to the house on Friday to look at all the things in the house and see what might be possible to sell and what they might raise in the way of funds.  There is dog’s operation to think about and next year sees the end of our endowment mortgage’s life and of course like so many people we will be short of funds.  The promised pay off of the debt and the lump sum for our retirement have vanished into thin air down some economists’ sump.  There are also other serious family problems which have been brought to our notice which require funds with which we would like to help,  but just do not have the cash, so things are upsetting and fraught chez nous.

The old, old story, in countless households, in countless countries at the moment.

Still, perhaps  great, great, great-aunt  Sarah’s muff pistols will turn out to be worth a mint, thus solving everyone’s woes in one fell swoop.

My music course has got to white heat pitch: we have learnt so much, in such a short time, but without the gradual experience of knowing exactly what to use, where and when: no sight of the wood for the trees at the moment.  Exams coming up in October, no time to begin revision yet, still more of the course to complete: panic and hopelessness in equal amounts are setting in here big time.

So I have not forgot you gentle reader: I just have nothing to cheer or interest you on your way at the moment so it seemed kinder to remain silent.  All energies are going into working out survival strategies.

Having said that, I was sitting here working my socks off yesterday when a Wren hopped onto the window ledge, looked at me hard, and then came into the room and pottered around on the window cill looking for insects.  So sweet, little berry eyes, perky tail, chest puffed out – a real treat.  And this morning, early, the Robin’s Autumn song came pouring through the window: I love the Robin’s song in Autumn after a long quiet summer without him singing.  It reminds me of days in the garden getting things in order, with smoky misty smells, ripe fruity smells, damp, green mossy smells on golden, quiet, temperate days, after the fury of Summer (some hope nowadays) and before the cruelty of Winter, with the Robin following my spade around the garden picking up the insects and worms disturbed by my tidying.

Quiet contemplation and gentle work surrounded by the fruits of the year: doesn’t it make you just want to escape from responsibilities and worries and live in a little wooden shed in an orchard, garden a little, paint a little, read a little and watch the natural world go by.

It is a mistake to let the craziness of the world too much into our lives.

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I’m just a sad, old geek!

I’ve been working my socks off with my music course but feeling rather despondent thinking that I was not up to it.  My energy levels have been growing lower and lower as I got more tired and hopeless.

Today I got my last assignment back and guess what?  The energy has come flooding back.  Very good marks but what really made the difference were the Tutor’s comments.

She wrote,  “You show a great deal of knowledge and a very sensitive and perceptive musical approach”.  Wow!!  And there was me feeling I didn’t have a musical bone in my body.

I know where this lack of confidence comes from.  School of course: same old story whoever you talk to.  One or two teachers tell you that you are no good at something and it remains in your head for ever: especially sad if it is something you loved.

So now I cannot wait to hit the course books and scores again.  The hard work is paying off and I feel remotivated.  I love the harmony work and the score analysis, rather like doing sudoku, which I also love.  All in all, I sit alone in my room, miles away, concentrating on form and modulation, orchestration and structure, and forget the time.  Then I go out and meet people and realize how sad it is to be so satisfied living in one’s head.

This reaction has been a particularly pertinent reminder for me at the moment.  I am always so careful with my own marking and I take hours writing ‘feed-back’ sheets for the students, trying to offer constructive criticism and suggesting ways in which they could do better.

(Picture of Sheffield University)

I was asked to do some emergency moderating for the Department this week as three other tutors are off sick and cannot do the work.  The Exam Board is in 12 days time, the External Examiner is coming to Sheffield to check out how we are running the courses and to comment on the modules, and anyway the students are desperately waiting for their marks.  I am up to my eyes with my own work, but what can you do?  So, despite the urgency, I will remember to take my time, bearing in mind just what an effect my words might have on the students.

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